This is How I Do It

It happened again yesterday.  For the four hundredth time (probably more than that), I heard someone say to me, "I just don't know how you do it!"

They  were, of course, referring to my marriage.  Specifically, our circumstances.  For those of you unfamiliar with us, The Yankee's career only allows he and I to be under the same roof two, maybe three (if we are lucky) months out of the year.

Words fail me when people ask me this for I clearly do not see the situation as difficult as those around me see it. What amazes me is how quick people are to say "I could not do what you are doing." I believe we are all stronger than we believe we are. Many, many of you out there would be able to do this and do it successfully I might add.

So I thought I would just write it down....this is how I do it..and from here on out, when I hear that phrase "I just don't know how you do it." I will skip the explanation and refer everyone to this blog :)

1.  Our faith - God brought this career to my husband in a remarkable way.  The details will have to be spared, but short version, his first time overseas some years ago now, he saw something he wanted to do..what would seem like an unattainable dream to most, especially considering his age at the time.  The word unattainable flies out of the area when The Yankee enters the room.  Fast forward a  few years later he received an email that he was wanted to do the exact same thing he had been wanting to do.  And after a grueling process, here we are more than a couple of years into our newest adventure.  During the process we watched God open door after door after door as we prayed for Him to guide us into what was really supposed to be done. We listened hard enough, and were willing to wait, making it extremely difficult to deny God's will for our life. It was so clear to us that I often try to explain to people I would most certainly be more afraid that my husband would be hit by a car if he were here than I fear for his safety in his job, because we know he is where God wants him.

 2.  Our kids - We have two kids who, yes, help me when their daddy isn't around, but it is so much more than that.  Witnesses will tell you that you could drop these two children in the middle of ANY situation and they adapt, immediately.  We took this into great consideration when deciding whether or not this path was for us.  He is their world.  He is the fun one, the smart one, he cracks them up and they take everything he says and soak it in.  Our daughter will be traveling to Paris with her French class in the upcoming year or so and she can only take one parent.  She did not hesitate to say it was Daddy she wanted on that trip with her! But their adaptability was a huge factor we felt God used to show us that The Yankee is where he is supposed to be.

3.  Hard times? - People look at us and think this is hard.  The crazy thing is, we have been through hard. God delivered a marriage ministry right to my front door last year.  To date I have had the privilege of being there for four or five different relationships but I will tell everyone I mentor on this subject, you can tell me how hard your time is, but I am not going to feel sorry for you, because I have been there and survived.  You can tell me you are not happy, but  I certainly don't care about your momentary happiness, I care about your future blessing and the JOY you will receive from learning and growing in Christ no matter how bad your marriage is.  I have seen hard and this life we are living now is not it!

4.  Skype - Men have gone overseas for hundreds of years.  In the past, women have had to wait weeks, months, however long for a letter that was more than likely blacked out in parts leaving the wife unable to read it in its entirety.  I can't fathom the torture of living day to day not knowing if my husband was ok.  My neighbor, Mr. Long was in Viet Nam.  He has told me of once a month phone calls that lasted five minutes and cost him $10 a pop.  I have an iphone.  I can pick that iphone up and SEE my husband on Skype no matter where I am.  Yesterday I saw him twice.  We have been known to talk for two hours at a time. And most days are a minimum of an hour.   I often wonder if he were home, doing a 9 - 5 job, would we talk an hour to two hours a day face to face like that?  Would we send goofy emails that we will forever have as proof for our children to reread and relive their parents love for one another someday?  Or would I just get through every day the best I could without truly appreciating who this man is?  Nothing will make you appreciate your husband like having him work on another continent!  But the trick is appreciating him that much when he is home..appreciating him that much if he ever does switch to a 9 - 5 career.  I would like to think I would.

5. Attitude - My cup is half full.  That's not to say I don't have bad days.  I can promise you that there has been a day when you could drive by our house while I am mowing the lawn and see a tear run down my face because I am missing him and mowing the lawn makes me miss him even more! (Crazy, I know!) But I try my best to turn it into a positive and use the yard as a workout and then am so proud of myself when I am done to see how well it looks and I got a workout in to boot!  I am sure my closest friends have seen me get choked up a time or two when they ask me how he is, simply because I miss him. But I promise you this is not hard. One day my husband got on an airplane to go away from us for the first time.  I watched his back get smaller and smaller and I looked at our two babies, little at the time.  I said to myself, "I can make this hard on them, or I can make it easy on them by staying positive." And do you know that MY attitude actually made it easier on those little creatures God blessed us with! You know how big I am on choices.  My attitude is not only my choice, but it has the side benefit of showing great respect for my husband! Bonus!  The worst thing that could happen is that a lot of things could go wrong in one day and I would get tired.  But you know what?  Even when The Yankee is home, my rest doesn't come from him! (Matthew 11:28)


So I think that pretty much sums it up!  I hope it makes sense, and if you have any questions on how we do it, or if you are a spouse of someone whose job takes them away for great lengths of time and have questions on more specific ways to handle things, please comment below and I will go into anything I might have left out!  But more importantly, remember that you are stronger than you think, and even when you don't feel so strong, there is an almighty God just waiting to give you the rest you need!